5 Best Strategies You Need to Cope with Dating Anxiety
Ever go on a date with a cute guy and feel super anxious? I think most of us women have felt dating anxiety, but you may wonder if what you’re experiencing is unhealthy.
Most people feel some jitters while dating while others can experience full-blown anxiety.
Discover the best tools to cope with dating anxiety and feel more confident.
Signs that you have dating anxiety:
· You’re always thinking about the worst outcomes
· You feel uneasy when you’re not sure where you stand with the person you’re dating
· You replay dates in your mind
· You dissect every detail and over-analyze people’s words and body language, searching for any signs of affirmation or doubt
· You have difficulty being present on dates
· You experience physical symptoms like upset stomach, fast heart rate, sweating and nausea
· You’re always worried that someone will lose interest in you or suddenly disappear
· You never feel you’re good enough
· You’re bracing yourself for embarrassment and judgment
· You struggle with feelings of inadequacy, shame, doubting your own worthiness and fearing that may not measure up to the expectations of men.
The First Step in Coping with Dating Anxiety
I don’t want you to give up on dating because you experiencing this.
It’s important to have ways to calm yourself and feel more serene, as well as understand why you’re anxious about dating,
If you haven’t dived deeper into where anxious thoughts come from, you’re missing out on knowing what the origin is.
Start paying attention to the thoughts and when you feel that you’re getting anxious, ask yourself this one simple question:
“What’s this about?”
Once you question the validity of these unsupportive thoughts, then you can identify which necessary changes to make.
2. Journaling
Modern life doesn’t allow for much non-productive self-discovery and self-reflection time.
That’s why you need the discipline to make space for it.
Journaling helps you understand and take control of your thoughts and feelings.
And you’re able to reframe situations to be more empowering and helpful.
3. Alternatives to traditional journaling
While writing with a pen to paper or typing on a laptop can be a beneficial way to journal, there are other ways to journal.
Through movement.
Trying to resolve a problem intellectually by understanding its origin can be sufficient for some people.
Supplementing with movement can release emotional energy for some.
While I don’t quite understand the science behind why this works, I just know it works.
It has worked for me on countless occasions and for others, too.
Because sometimes sitting on our comfy couch to journal isn’t always enough to prime what’s under the surface to come through.
Movement helps with that.
Power walk
Take ONE journaling prompt from the list below or make up a new one.
Go for a walk in a safe and pleasant area and process the prompt by pondering on it and answering it in your head.
Aim to question yourself like a 5-year-old and understand the WHAT and the WHY of everything you believe about yourself.
Dance, stretch, or hike (any physical activity that doesn’t require too much focus)
Works in much the same way as a power walk.
4. Journaling prompts for coping with dating anxiety
“I struggle with maintaining a positive outlook in dating.”
· What are 5 things I can do differently in dating (or think about) to maintain a positive outlook?
“How can I curb dating anxiety?”
Those who feel anxiety feel it differently and under different circumstances.
Anxiety and fear have a connection with each other.
It can be a fear of the unknown, fear of something bad happening, fear of failure.
And is often due to negative projections and expecting or assuming the worst will happen, etc.
· How can I stop projecting the future and be present in the moment?
· How can I acknowledge moments of feeling anxious and hold space for myself?
· How can I separate what is happening now and my fear about what may happen?
· How can I face this fear?
· What is something practical I can do to face this fear?
· In what ways am I safe right now?
“I worry about awkward moments when I go on dates.”
· · How do I feel about awkward moments?
· What does awkward feel like in my body?
· Where is the awkwardness located in my body?
· What am I making these awkward moments in dating mean?
· What evidence do I have for making those moments mean something bad?
· How can I reframe these moments into something more empowering? For example, what feels awkward to you may come across as charming to another person.
· Why is it totally safe to feel awkward?
“I don’t deserve this guy because I’m not a catch.”
· What makes me think I don’t deserve this guy?
· Describe a woman who is deserving of the guy. What traits does she have?
· Who would I need to be to feel like I deserve the guy?
· Why am I so deserving of having a relationship with a high-caliber guy? List 5 reasons.
· Why AM I a catch?
I expect being rejected.”
· What does rejection feel like (in my body)?
· Is rejection really about me? Why or why not?
· Is rejection more about the other person? Why or why not?
· What am I making rejection mean about me?
· In what ways can rejection be helpful?
· If we stopped rejecting people, what would be the outcome?
· How can I reframe rejection in an empowering way?
5. Create a Coping Toolkit
Anchors
Find or create a personal anchor that serves as a gentle nudge to redirect your thinking towards a more positive direction.
Consider a piece of jewellery, like a bracelet or a ring.
‘Name’ it.. For example, this is your ‘serenity bracelet’ or your ‘soothing bracelet’.
Physical Touch
Find whatever feels soothing to you and allow this to become your signature touch.
Like stroking your hands or lengths of your arms in the most loving way.
Create an alter ego
I loooooove this one.
Think of David Bowie’s “Ziggy Stardust”.
Clark Kent’s “Superman”.
Beyonce’s “Sasha Fierce”.
Distancing yourself from and giving yourself a ‘zoomed out’ view can be supportive of you see your situation from a broader perspective.
And to adopt or emulate traits can help you create a more confident and grounded persona.
Check out this super fun article for more on alter egos.
Create positive affirmations
I totally suggest that you adopt the mindset that coping with dating is a practice. Don’t try to ‘crush”, “eradicate”, “conquer” or “overcome” it.
That just creates pressure and doesn’t feel realistic.
Positive affirmations have the power to shift your thinking and ultimately influence your emotions.
When your thoughts are primarily negative or anxious, they send signals to your brain, which affects your body.
However, as you begin to focus on the positive, you will send positive signals throughout your body as well.
It may require some creativity to tailor the affirmation to your current beliefs and circumstances.
To make the most of the affirmations, you need to create statements that resonate and feel genuine to you.
· For instance, if an affirmation like “Dating is easy and I feel great about it” feels too much of a stretch due to anxiety and doubt, you can modify it to align with your beliefs.
· Can you recall any recent positive events that you’ve had while dating?
· What aspect of your dating life that IS going well?
· Create a concise affirmations of one or two sentences around that and ponder on it daily.
When to reach out for support
If you think dating anxiety is severely affecting your quality of life and mental health, you may want to consider seeking the services of a qualified mental health professional like a psychotherapist.
By following even just a few of these tips, you’ll absolutely be able to feel more serene and date with confidence.
Incorporate the ones the resonate the most and you’ll be well on your way to gradually reducing dating anxiety.