Should I Text Him or Not? When To Text A Guy
Are you spending too much time agonizing over whether to text a guy? Or when to text a guy?
Whether it’s a guy you exchanged messages with on a dating app, or someone you’ve gone on a first date with, I’ve got you covered.
In this blog post, you’re going to:
. know exactly how to decide when to text a guy or not (based on this ONE thing you may not have considered)
· decide whether to send a ‘pickup-the-ball’ text (to a guy that you haven’t texted in a long time)
· decide if there’s value in mirroring the time men take to respond
· what time of day to send texts/responses?
should you respond to his 11pm texts?
Ask yourself these questions before you decide when to text a guy or not.
With texting a guy, consider where your ENERGY is.
· Are you feeling confident?
· And reaching out because you’re GENUINELY feeling like connecting with him?
· Why do you REALLY want to text him?
· Are you feeling like if you don’t reach out, that he’ll forget you exist?
· Or he’ll think you’re not interested?
If you don't make anything happen, nothing will?
Of course, it’s in our human nature to avoid feeling any discomfort.
To be certain about a guy.
Think about what happens when you can’t stand the discomfort.
And if you reach out because you don’t feel confident.
You are training yourself to want to fill in the gaps too quickly!
Being emotionally regulated with the spaces in between is part of success in dating.
Easier said than done, right?
There are LOTS of dating rules and LOTS of nuances out there.
And I certainly don’t believe that women should never reach out!
A CONFIDENT woman will send a text or call a guy when she GENUINELY wants to connect.
As long as you know when to STOP texting.
· Are you always the one reaching out or trying to make plans?
· Are you reaching out to him more?
· Has he been responsive lately?
· Has he actively been showing interest in you?
Those are things to consider.
If a guy is really into you and you reach out with a text, do you think he’s going to be upset?
No. Of course not.
But IF you’re double and triple texting him.
And if he’s not playing ping pong with you and setting up another date, then maybe that is a sign that you’re working too hard.
So, when to text a guy or not depends a lot on your underlying ENERGY.
What would feel better for you?
Him making the next reach out?
Or you making the next reach out?
I encourage you to activate and embody your feminine energy as it helps you date with confidence, ease and empowerment.
To discover feminine energy secrets, check out these posts:
The 7 Best Ways To Date With Feminine Energy
What Is Masculine vs Feminine Energy In Dating
What Is Feminine Energy> The 7 Best Ways To Be More Feminine
Feeling like you’re obsessing over a guy? Check this out:
How to Stop Obsessing Over a Guy
Should You Send a ‘Pick-up-the-ball’ Text To A Guy?
If you’ve ever wondered what to do if you want to restart a connection that fizzled out.
For example, with a guy on a dating app. It IS possible to reignite the conversation.
A few of my clients have had success with this.
Even after weeks or months of a conversation that went cold.
And it’s such a common thing for dating app conversations to go cold.
It can be incredibly frustrating to experience continuous messaging for a few days with a guy you think is attractive, interesting and funny.
But then, silence from him.
But what if YOU were who left him hanging?
If it feels aligned, I encourage you to an apology text that is straightforward and brief.
Yet warm and inviting. (consider whether or not an apology is warranted for your unique situation)
Make sure that it sounds like it’s authentically you.
Your apology ought to sound heartfelt, not too long, yet not explanatory.
This is good! And upbeat!
Honestly, it can come across as refreshing to a guy that you’re apologizing.
And trying for a fresh start without being up in your head. (at least on paper)
Another option is to leave out the apology.
You may wonder WHAT to text.
“Hey, how have you been?” is boring and highlights how it’s been a long time since you’ve connected.
“Hey” is too casual since you went cold.
Have a look at the image below for inspiration.
Send off a text and don’t be in the energy of waiting for him to respond.
NOTE: If you’re on a dating app and a guy you’re texting is taking a long time to respond, and then you ALSO start taking a few days to resume correspondence, it can feel frustrating for BOTH of you.
With dating, pacing is important, especially in the early stages.
And also, when it comes to exclusivity.
But when you’ve been on a date with a guy or you’re chatting online with a guy that you haven’t yet met, it’s important to remember MOMENTUM and the energy it brings.
Waiting TOO long to respond is a romance killer.
I experimented with this when I was single and I followed some dating rules about waiting.
The outcomes weren’t good, but once I realized this wasn’t working, I could turn things around without chasing.
With warmth and genuine interest.
And my dating coaching clients also have success when they’re more concerned with momentum rather than strict dating rules.
Is There Any Value in Mirroring the Time It Takes Men to Respond?
Yes, there is to a certain extent, but in trying to resist appearing too eager, sometimes people go too far.
And become upset or overthink it.
I get that this is confusing!!!
Mainstream dating advice tells you:
“If it takes him 24 hours to respond then YOU should take 24 hours to respond.”
Here’s the thing:
If you mirror a guy to a tee, it becomes a silly game. (Not the fun dating game that I talk about sometimes with my clients.)
And it prolongs getting asked out for another date and creating a GENUINE connection and warm feelings.
How about a nice middle ground?
And keeping your options open to other men.
Sometimes you answer quickly because you CAN, other times you don’t because you’re busy doing other things.
You don’t need to respond in a predictable way.
The tired old waiting games do NOT create connection.
If you’re trying too hard to not appear like an eager beaver, it’s not going to work for you.
These silly games don’t attract high-caliber, emotionally mature healthy men.
Everyone Has A Different Texting Style
Keep in mind that there are great men who are ‘bad texters’. And they may be totally into you.
Some men dislike texting and may take a longer time to respond to you.
While others are glued to their phone and tend to respond to your texts fairly quickly.
If you want to avoid all the texting stress:
· Know that there are different types of texters
· Observe what type of texter you’re dealing with (this stops you from worrying, overthinking and jumping to the wrong conclusion)
· Share your texting preferences in the early stages of dating
Should You Only Text or Respond to A Guy at Certain Times of The Day?
What should you do if he finally responds to your text at 11pm?
Should you text back quickly or wait until the next morning after 11am?
If it were me, I’d consider my lifestyle, my hours of activity and what feels good.
I wouldn’t reply within the 1st hour of waking up because that’s my self-connection time.
And I certainly wouldn’t be answering at 11pm.
If it feels aligned, you can do something similar, but responding at all hours isn’t a good idea.
Waiting 24 hours or more to respond is way too long.
Remember what I said about momentum.
Consistently responding 1 minute later makes you look like an eager beaver.
Here’s the deal.
There’s no one-size-fits-all way for when to text a guy.
I feel strongly that responding SOONER rather than later creates more warmth and trust.
That’s how I felt when I dated and how I feel now with my personal relationships.
And this is what I advise my private dating coaching clients to do.
Personal friends who reply quickly to me make me feel special and appreciated. That’s just how I feel.
I hope this helps.
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