Are You A Man-Pleaser In Dating?

In recent years the topics of “people pleaser” and “over giver” have become more and more common, especially as they relate to dating and relationships.

Women often don’t even realize at first that it’s the reason WHY they feel resentful, depleted, angry, anxious and depressed.

They don’t see it but I do.

And when I bring it to their attention, I help them realize that their over giving and pleasing behaviours aren’t selfless as they would like to believe.

This can be hard to hear for many women because so many take great pride in being “givers”.

Society speaks so highly of “givers” and not of “receivers”.

But man-pleasing and over giving in dating and relationships is a tit-for-tat scenario.

It’s self-serving.

It’s NOT selfless.

Far from it.

They’re doing it because they WANT something in return: love and approval.

They’re giving to GET They’re orchestrating and expect a certain outcome.

Putting a man’s needs above your own, accommodating him and bending over backwards to please him, hoping he’ll see what a “good woman” you are and how right you are for him, only lowers your value in his eyes.

Your attempt to fill his every need is hoping he’ll “pick you” and never leave always fails.

He may not be consciously aware why his attraction for you is plummeting, but he knows instinctively that you aren’t “The One”.

Now, he may stick around and date you for a while.

Until he meets someone else - a woman who prioritizes her own needs and desires.

Let me explain–men love nice women who’re nurturing and giving.

BUT not when the giving and nurturing doesn’t match what THEY are giving out with THEIR time, energy and actions.

You need not earn a man’s love and attention.

Remember that your value doesn’t lie in what you DO but WHO you’re BE-ing.

When you’re being a woman who prioritizes your needs, desires first and ONLY gives when a man’s energy is CONSISTENTLY coming towards you in meaningful and significant ways, THEN the energy dynamic between the two of you is reciprocal and healthy.

As a dating woman who isn’t in an exclusive committed relationship, OBSERVE a man’s energy output towards you and match it with WARMTH, all the while keeping your options open to other men.

To break the man-pleasing and over giving ways, be honest and ask yourself WHY – when you’re about to do something for a man.

Pause and reflect.

That awareness is where you start making changes.

Let me know in the comments how people-pleasing has impacted your life.

Melissa xox